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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour

2
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:04,879
SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE

3
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Unlike Ethan,
Abi knew what she wanted.

4
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She wanted an impressive,
well-paid job.

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She wanted a safe, comfortable home.

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She wanted a fridge with a bit
on the front that does ice.

7
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KEYBOARD TAPPING

8
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It's important
to know what you want.

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SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE

10
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:33,160
If you don't know what you want,
then you never get what you want.

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If you never get what you want,

12
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then you'll never be happy.

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Babe? I'm just going
for a quick run, yeah?

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DOOR SLAMS

15
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And if you're never happy...

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...then you've failed.

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SHE EXHALES

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SHE WINCES

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SHE GROANS

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BANGS
Fuck!

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? When you wake up
in the morning

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? What's the first thing
you reach for?

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? When your eyes hit the sky?

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? Nah, it ain't coffee

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? It ain't tea
SHE GASPS

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? It's me. ?
SHE GASPS

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Fuck!

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Abi was not going to fail.

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KNOCKING
Babe, come on.

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Sorry. You've been in the bathroom
all this time?

31
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Yeah,
it was a really hard Wordle,

32
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and I was practising
what I was going to say.

33
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Well, you don't need to practise.
You're going to nail it.

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This time next year, you're going
to be top sales rep at that place.

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That third party data is literally
going to fly off the shelves. Mm.

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You look so muscly at the minute.
LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

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Listen, I haven't... I haven't
showered or anything. I don't care.

38
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Uh, do they like, miso gochujang
lamb with crispy smashed potatoes?

39
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Because that is
what I am going to make tonight.

40
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Er... I think so.

41
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Thank you for doing this.

42
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Listen, they're not who
I'd personally choose

43
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to have dinner with, but got
to celebrate the big promotion.

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I haven't got it yet.

45
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I just want to show them that
just because I live with you now

46
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doesn't mean we won't spend
as much time together as a three.

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LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

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All right, but you're not.

49
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You're not going to spend
as much time together as a three.

50
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,800
Oh, fuck. I think I had a wet dream.

51
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,559
Oh, no. It's just sweat.
False alarm!

52
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Eew! Hey! Morning!

53
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Good morning.
Can I borrow some clothes?

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Because all my clothes are dirty.
Yes.

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DOOR OPENS

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Uh, hey. Fuck! Oh, fuck, sorry.
I thought this room was empty.

57
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Uh, yeah. Sorry, it was. I...
I just moved in here.

58
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I'm Sam.
Uh, this is Ethan.

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He doesn't live here.
He's just my best friend.

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Oh, shit! The writer?
Yeah. Hey! Hey, I'm Aaron.

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Nice to meet you.
It's so nice to meet you.

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Sorry. I would give you a hug,
but I'm a bit sweaty.

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I'm fine. Yes.
I'm, uh, I'm actually,

64
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like, more of a tutor. A tutor,
like just a few kids at GCSE level.

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All the parents are rich,
so if they fail,

66
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it's... well, social mobility.
Yeah, no, I also teach at a school.

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Primary kids, two days a week.
I teach music.

68
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Oh, like recorder? I once went
to a year six recorder recital.

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It was literally the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.

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And I've been sexually assaulted.

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No, I...

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Percussion, mainly.
To kids with troubled upbringings.

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Actually, a few of them have been
sexually assaulted.

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I love your hair. Thanks.

75
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Uh, I like yours too.
Very, very curly. Jewish.

76
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Not in a bad way.
I don't think there is a bad way.

77
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Well, then
you haven't met my cousins!

78
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They're genocidal!

79
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I...I don't speak to them any more.

80
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OK. It was... it was really nice
to meet you guys.

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00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,280
So good to meet you, Aaron.
See you soon.

82
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OK, gun to your head, do you think
that guy's in love with me?

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AUDIOBOOK:
He wasn't just a billionaire.

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He was a vampirios.

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A vampire billionaire
with a throbbing shaft.

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And he was about to fuck me raw.

87
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Sorry...

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Your headphones aren't connected.

89
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SHE GASPS

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I'm so sorry. It's all right!

91
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It's a good one, though, isn't it?
Yeah.

92
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Well, this means
the absolute world to me.

93
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So I'd love to hear more about
the role you see me fitting into.

94
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,919
And I'm really sorry to ask,
but in terms of pay?

95
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,599
You need to advocate for yourself.
OK?

96
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,719
Yeah.
Women need to stop apologising.

97
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Especially at work. Like me,
I don't think I've said sorry

98
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in four years. Instead of sorry,
you know what I say? I say,

99
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"Oh, you're upset with me? That
sounds like a you problem, cunt."

100
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,999
You know? Yeah. No, absolutely.
Advocate for myself.

101
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Sorry if I haven't been doing
that enough.

102
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I'm gonna write that down.

103
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Listen, Abi, I'm not going
to bullshit you. Mm-hm.

104
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I would never bullshit you,
cos that's insulting.

105
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I would never insult you,
cos I care about you.

106
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You are not getting a raise.

107
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I know, it's insane.

108
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But it's this time in history.

109
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OK. Yeah. Um, OK.

110
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:52,479
But it is still a promotion,
though, so...? Abi? Baby?

111
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This is huge. OK.
This is more than a promotion.

112
00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:00,959
Do you know how few of our interns
we turn into permanent employees?

113
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I mean, the last girl, it's like,

114
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,119
"OK, I hope you got back
to Prague safely,

115
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,439
"but I'm not going
to be paying for your visa, bitch."

116
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Honestly, I'm legally responsible
for someone if I sponsor their visa.

117
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,039
I can't handle...
This is why I don't have children.

118
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Because I care too much.
Yeah, definitely.

119
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Yeah. I mean...

120
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OK, so. Yeah.

121
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I'm getting a promotion.

122
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Thank you. Um, to what?

123
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Abi better apologise tonight.

124
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,519
You can't just abandon us
and then expect us to,

125
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,399
like, suck it up. Like,
that's very, very like fuckboy,

126
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Hinge date behaviour.

127
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Yeah, a Hinge date that
I immediately fall in love with

128
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and then change my whole personality
to impress.

129
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:43,039
So why the fuck would she be like,
"Can you please bring Pinot Noir?"

130
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,999
Like, just say wine, right?
Wine. Say wine.

131
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:48,359
So, are you going to get a job
today or not really?

132
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,479
Not really. I was thinking,
before I do anything else,

133
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,879
I should decide exactly
what I want my life to look like

134
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,999
and what I need and how to get it
and what my calling is.

135
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,639
And then from there,
I can just sort of,

136
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,959
like, vibe it out. Mm.
Well, have you maybe, like,

137
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,199
considered moving back in with your
parents until you find a flat?

138
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,959
Um... Because the guys
here have been talking.

139
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,759
And if you do want to crash here,
then you're going to need

140
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,960
to be financially contributing
to the shared Mubi account.

141
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,279
I love these clothes you lent me.
I feel like Peter Pan.

142
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:18,840
Let's go! Love her. Bestie alert.
Can't wait to learn her name.

143
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,799
So you're going to be joining
the people team,

144
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,559
which is my personal concept.
Trademark.

145
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:29,039
It's a lot like HR,
only you don't need any training.

146
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:33,519
Because here's the thing,
is like, we are all people, right?

147
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,919
I mean, except for men.
I'm just kidding!

148
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,719
Literally all my friends are men.

149
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:42,279
Speaking of which,
who are you fucking?

150
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,839
Come on.
Any hot stud sticking you down?

151
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,959
I mean, unless it's a woman
and you're a lesbian.

152
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,999
In which case, we need
some of that around here.

153
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:54,480
Sorry, no. My boyfriend. Tom.
Tom. Yeah. And is he good?

154
00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:00,079
I'm currently fucking
this little finance bro.

155
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:04,439
I mean, literally, he's very little,
and he wants me to eat ass.

156
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,240
Does Tom have you eat a lot of ass?

157
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,879
OK, so it's like, more
of a vanilla kind of pump and dump.

158
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,439
No! Wham bam, thank you, ma'am.
No, not at all.

159
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,479
I've, like,
wanked him off with my feet.

160
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,239
But, you know, to be honest, they
were a bit dry, so it wasn't great.

161
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,199
And that was like two years ago
and didn't really work.

162
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,319
KNOCKING
I'm sorry. That was really ina...

163
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,479
Knock, knock, knock! I don't know
why I said that. Aye, aye, Captain.

164
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,839
Really weird. So I'm going to
pass you over to Louise.

165
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,399
She's going to get you settled.
Abi, we're all so proud of you.

166
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:35,319
Thank you. How about coffee later?
I'd love that.

167
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,079
Thank you so much, Greta.
For me, I mean, like, for me.

168
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,119
I'd love to have a latte around
three. Yep. Yep, definitely.

169
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,600
And Louise will tell you
how to make it.

170
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,559
CLATTERING
Oh! Oh!

171
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:55,039
Oh, my God.
Fucking hell. Are you OK?

172
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,599
Oh, thank God. Are you sure? Yeah?

173
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,759
Oh, shit. Aaron! Aaron!

174
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,279
Beat me to it.
Are you OK?

175
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,399
Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
That's so weird.

176
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,639
We were just... I just ran over
to see if she was...

177
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,399
Where are you...?
Oh, I'm off to work. Yeah.

178
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:13,399
Cool. Which, erm...? The school.
This way. I'm going that way.

179
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:17,319
OK. Do you want to walk together?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.

180
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,759
Welcome to the people team,
my love. Milady!

181
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,919
Pull up a pew. Oh, sorry.
I better get rid of that.

182
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,479
Sorry if it takes me a few days
to get my head around it.

183
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:31,319
I'm trained in media.
Not really a people person.

184
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,839
Oh, well, I mean, it's very simple.

185
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:38,159
Um, say, for example,
someone was violently assaulted,

186
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,519
or, God forbid,
was experiencing low self-esteem.

187
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,359
We're the lucky ladies
who get to say,

188
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,119
"Hang on a second, that's not on."
And give them a leaflet perhaps.

189
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,519
Or, in more serious circumstances,

190
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,839
a kind but innocent squeeze
on the upper arm.

191
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,919
We make people feel comfortable
and safe.

192
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,879
And we also fire them.

193
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,879
All's fair in love and war!

194
00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,159
We need a people team
because we're people, aren't we?

195
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,759
For God's sakes, not robots.

196
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,399
I genuinely love it.

197
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,399
I teach this kid Tyler, right?
And he sucks at drums, like,

198
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,119
so bad, but he plays
with this amazing freedom. Mm-hm?

199
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,999
He doesn't give a shit
what anyone else thinks.

200
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,559
He just smashes them as hard
as he can, fuck everyone else.

201
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:18,439
And the other day I was thinking,
like, that is a pure artist.

202
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,359
Yeah, totally.

203
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,279
Or maybe
that's a clinical narcissist.

204
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,039
THEY LAUGH

205
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,999
I don't know. I feel bad for kids.
I don't know how you teach them.

206
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,839
Like, I feel so, so bad for them.

207
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,839
Like, this is the worst time ever
to be seven.

208
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,959
The worst time ever? Yeah.
Have you seen what's...

209
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:40,359
I mean, maybe apart from the war
or like the plague, or...

210
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,159
Well, quite a lot of other times,
I guess.

211
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,999
How are you going to live
if you don't have a job?

212
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,440
Oh, my mum left me some money.

213
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,840
Oh. Um...

214
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,719
But my dad actually died...
Oh, my God. No.

215
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,679
Oh, my God. No, she's not dead.
She's not dead.

216
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:58,639
No. It just sounds way better
than saying she gave it to me.

217
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,759
Fucking hell!
I'm so sorry about your dad.

218
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,279
Why did you say that? I need to stop
saying that. That's crazy.

219
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,960
No. She's alive.
She's annoying, but she's alive.

220
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,759
This is me, I gotta go. OK.

221
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,599
Um, I better go tell Tyler
he's a narcissist!

222
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,560
Oh, yeah. Break the news!

223
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,279
We should get a drink.
Yeah!

224
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,239
No, no. Not now. Cos I'm going
to work, and it's 11am,

225
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:27,119
but I'll text you or something.
Yeah. Text me, text me.

226
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,199
Yeah. Retro! Vintage. Vintage vibes.

227
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,360
Text me. OK. See ya.

228
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,920
Retro vibes. Sure. Why not say that?

229
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,079
Thanks for being so nice today.
Of course.

230
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,559
Fancy a little after-work tipple?
My treat.

231
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,759
Only fair, considering the pay gap.
Urgh! Elephant in the room.

232
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,839
Never understood
why people think that's a negative.

233
00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:00,039
They're gorgeous creatures
and highly intelligent.

234
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:05,079
Um, well, I'm... I'm having
my friends over for dinner. It's...

235
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,759
It's like I-I feel bad.

236
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,399
Like, I basically ditched them
so I could live with my boyfriend,

237
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,319
so I'm, like, trying to
make it up to them.

238
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,239
Oh, you sound like a lovely friend.
Thank you.

239
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,200
I literally tell them
that constantly.

240
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,439
I'll be on my lonesome again,
I suppose.

241
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:26,519
No bother. Table for one, as always.
Bread and olives to start.

242
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,999
I mean, you could come, if you want.

243
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,399
Oh!

244
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,679
I just thought
you'd find it boring or...

245
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,799
Boring? Never been bored in my life.

246
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,399
Medical marvel. Doctors hate her!

247
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,319
My last doctor did hate me, actually.

248
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,199
Essentially,
I submitted a urine sample

249
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,679
that was surplus to requirements.
We live and learn.

250
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:46,039
LAUGHING: Good! Great. All right.
Yeah. My boyfriend's cooking.

251
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,799
He's, like, a bit of a foodie,
so he's making miso lamb.

252
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:52,039
Miso? Miso.
It's a lovely name for a boy.

253
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:53,679
OK, well,
I'll put on my Sunday best.

254
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,679
You email me the deets.

255
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,640
Can't wait, Work Wife!

256
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:02,839
You're gonna start by scoring...

257
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,759
I know it's not, like, exactly
the role that I wanted, but...

258
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,199
Hey! No, this is huge.

259
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,720
I'm so proud of you, babe.
You've done so well.

260
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:16,640
Hey! Oh, babe, listen, I'm just
about to marinate this. So...

261
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:20,239
...is to gather everyone around,
carve up and...

262
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,319
SHE LAUGHS
What was that?

263
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,040
SHE LAUGHS LOUDER
What?

264
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,159
My boss asked me today...

265
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,199
SHE LAUGHS
What?

266
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,399
Greta asked me if I've ever...

267
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,680
QUIETLY: ..eaten your arse.

268
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,040
SHE LAUGHS
Huh? One more time?

269
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,880
I mean, like, it was funny.
It was funny.

270
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:50,039
What did you say? No. Yeah.
I said no, obviously,

271
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,799
cos I haven't done that.
Yeah, no, you haven't.

272
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,960
COOKING VIDEO COMMENTARY CONTINUES

273
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,920
Do you want me to do that?

274
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,280
No!

275
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:21,480
NARRATOR: Abi's family
had a lot of traditions.

276
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,319
Traditional roasts on Sunday.

277
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,759
Traditional Boxing Day walk.

278
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,719
Traditional Catholic guilt
on her mum's side.

279
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,279
Traditional heart disease
on her dad's.

280
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,879
Hello, it's Lindsay.

281
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,439
I can't come to the phone
right now. Please call...

282
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,719
Abi could have
followed the traditions.

283
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:45,959
She could have, like her sister,
decided not to move to London.

284
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,879
She could still,
as her mum often reminded her,

285
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,799
decide to move back.

286
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,280
But that wasn't what Abi wanted.

287
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,919
She wanted something more.

288
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,839
? This is the story of... ?

289
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,599
Amazing flat.

290
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,039
Can't believe we haven't
been here before.

291
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,520
Yeah, it's kind of giving Airbnb.
Thank you.

292
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:14,040
Ooh, matching glasses! Come on!
Thriving era.

293
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,599
Oh, Chardonnay.

294
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,879
Oh, fuck. Is that not going to go
with the lamb? It's fine.

295
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:25,079
Guys, a few appetisers.
Nothing special.

296
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,279
Just fig, burrata, sourdough.

297
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,719
Sublime.

298
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,239
Help yourself. Thank you.
Or take the tray.

299
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,439
Thanks so much.

300
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:33,919
Do you want a chair?

301
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,839
No, no, no. I'm good. I'm good.

302
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:36,959
OK.

303
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,279
WINE POURS

304
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,199
Sure. OK. Here, babe. Thanks. Oh...

305
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,759
White? Uh-huh.

306
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,119
Thanks, guys. That means a lot.
Thank you.

307
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,679
Lamb will be ready in 12.

308
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,119
OK, Jeremy Allen Beige.

309
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,120
HE LAUGHS

310
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,039
So, yeah, it's got, like,

311
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,719
great progression over the next
two years, I think. Thank you.

312
00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:00,359
And I was, like, really front-footed
in the meeting.

313
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:04,559
I was, like, advocating for myself,
negotiating and stuff.

314
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,920
That's amazing. Mm. That's so great.

315
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:08,280
So good.

316
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:14,240
? This is the story of my love... ?

317
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,959
I should have told yous
I was going to move in here.

318
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,679
Yeah, you should have.

319
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,080
I know. I'm sorry.

320
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,559
I made a Pinterest board
of decor ideas back in July,

321
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,119
but then I wanted to tell yous,

322
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,599
but every time I tried
to tell yous,

323
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,519
I'd just stress out
that yous were going to shout at me,

324
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,279
so then I'd just add
more and more shite

325
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,679
to this bloody Pinterest board.

326
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:38,879
It was like I was drowning in a sea
of mood lighting and spice racks.

327
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,200
You don't even like spice. I know!

328
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:46,040
But I'm trying to... grow up.

329
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,480
Oh, Ab...

330
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,239
Oh, you're so annoying. Thank you.
You're SO annoying. I know.

331
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,240
- INTERCOM RINGS
Oh, there's Louise. - Hm?

332
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,119
The fuck is Louise? I thought the
whole point of this is it's just us.

333
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,319
I don't know. Maybe she's electric.
INTERCOM BUZZES

334
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,759
My favourite film
is Mr Popper's Penguins.

335
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,319
Or The Zone Of Interest.

336
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,960
Jaw-on-the-floor stuff. Honestly.

337
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,279
You are amazing. Ah!
Welcome to the group.

338
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,159
Yay! Thank you.

339
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,799
Never been part of a group before.

340
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:24,759
Oh, actually, tell a lie -
tour group of York Minster in 2015.

341
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:29,119
Though I lost most of the gang
to Covid, sadly. Oh.

342
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:30,479
So... Whoo!
LOUISE: Ah!

343
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,479
...basically you just sear it off
in the pan to get that umami crust,

344
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,319
and then it's just a matter
of using a probe thermometer

345
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,399
to make sure you get
that rosy-pink tender roast.

346
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,039
It's grass-fed.
It's a serious piece of meat, this.

347
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,639
It's the most expensive part of
the lamb. Ooh! Oh. There you go.

348
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,200
Did anyone ask about that?

349
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:52,759
So what's the 411?
How did this dream team meet?

350
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,439
Just because you all seem, you know,
kind of quite different.

351
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,839
TOM: They all lived in the same
corridor in the first year at uni.

352
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,359
That's it.

353
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,639
So we met in freshers' week
on a pub crawl.

354
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,079
Don't. Yes! Please. No.

355
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,439
I'm talking to Ethan, basically,
and I'm thinking,

356
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,679
"OK, this is another very,
like, entitled, posh white boy.

357
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,479
"Like, everything
that's wrong with the world."

358
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,599
Yeah, but then she realised that,
actually, because I'm so stupid,

359
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,479
I have almost no effect
on the world whatsoever.

360
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:17,799
And we're on, like, the third pub

361
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,959
and Abi is half-naked on top of
the bar wearing the bouncer's cap.

362
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,479
No, no, don't listen to them. Ooh!
I was in the library.

363
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:24,919
Yeah, you were in the library,

364
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,479
wanking off that white guy
with dreads. Yes!

365
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,159
- FRIDGE DOOR SLAMS
Lou?! - Yeah.- Remember him?

366
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,439
He's in prison now.

367
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,959
Ab? Babe? Sorry,
have you got that carving knife?

368
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,519
The Japanese one I got you?

369
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,239
Yeah, yeah,
it's in one of my boxes. Nice.

370
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,639
Japan makes the best knives.

371
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,479
Fuck. I was literally
about to ask you

372
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,880
what culture makes the best knives.
Really? Yeah.

373
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,279
NARRATOR: Abi could have followed
the traditions.

374
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:50,199
She could, at this very moment,
be married to her teenage boyfriend,

375
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,159
have put down a deposit on a flat,

376
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,039
and have a definitive,
realistic idea

377
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,760
of what her future would look like.

378
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,440
Abi could at this very moment,
be at her parents' house...

379
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,919
...her entire family around her,

380
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,440
celebrating the imminent arrival
of her new niece.

381
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,800
But that wasn't what Abi wanted.

382
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,360
She wanted something better.

383
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,319
Something more.

384
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:22,920
LID CLATTERS


385
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:27,599
Hello, sweetheart.

386
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,759
I was just wondering, do you happen
to have a Scholl blister pad at all?

387
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:35,439
It's just my Clarks are
bloody rubbing something awful.

388
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,399
Ah. That's fun.

389
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,040
What's that, would we say,
if we had to put a face to a name?

390
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,959
I thought she wanted to be in sales.
Yeah. Oh, she's working her way up.

391
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,039
Some people have to.

392
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,399
Um... OK. But, like,
what the fuck is a people team?

393
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,079
Guys, do you know how hard it is
to stay on after an internship

394
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,879
at a small-to-medium start-up?

395
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,079
No.

396
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,559
Well, at least she's not a failure,
so... Failure?!

397
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,359
I'm sorry, we're too young
to be failures.

398
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,559
In ten years,
THEN we'll have failed. OK.

399
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:09,519
Anyway, er... Ab! To Abi. New flat.
Yay, new flat!

400
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,119
New job. Oh, my God.

401
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,400
New... Oh.

402
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,279
Whose is that?

403
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,280
Oh.

404
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,400
QUIETLY: Squeeze past.

405
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,319
WHISPERING: Why are we
doing this now? Why not?

406
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,439
I fucking found this... Because
we're in the middle of dinner.

407
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:30,999
It makes me feel like shit, Tom.
What is this?

408
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,599
Is this just
about fucking humiliating me?

409
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,679
No. I could talk about this
in front of me fucking nan,

410
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:35,839
if I found it right now.

411
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,679
Can this not wait
until after dinner?

412
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,159
What? After we've had our pudding?

413
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,439
Babe, it's... it's no different
to having a vibrator.

414
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,479
It's an illogical
double standard, babe, OK?

415
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,479
I'm not having this fucking
conversation in front of them.

416
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:47,639
Yeah, I'm going to go.

417
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,319
No, sit down, Sam.
Hey, you can go.

418
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,479
No! Ethan's eating. Sit down. OK.

419
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,399
They're staying.
They're fucking staying.

420
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,919
Babe, you're being
a tiny bit insane.

421
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,479
Don't you dare call me insane.

422
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,999
I've been racking
my fucking head, going,

423
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,239
"Why doesn't Tom
want to have sex with me?"

424
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:06,079
And it's cos you're busy coming into
your fucking plastic fanny, yeah?

425
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,559
Watching your little gross videos
about bukkake and anal?

426
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,199
Well, anal isn't gross.
All right, Ethan! Sorry.

427
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,440
Go and stay at a friend's house,
Tom.

428
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,200
What friend?

429
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:25,759
FLESHLIGHT SQUELCHES

430
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,159
Oh, my God.

431
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,160
Ooh...

432
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,839
You didn't even empty it!

433
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,679
TV: Well, the housing market
is in poor shape, but that means...

434
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,520
It's such a shame,
because Tom's meat is delicious.

435
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,959
It's not the end of the world,
you know?

436
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:48,399
It's just a sex toy, right?

437
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,439
Everyone has a fleshlight,
one way or another.

438
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,279
What are you ever talking about?

439
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,639
I'm just saying
it's not about a fleshlight.

440
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,999
It's about the fact
that he can't talk about anything.

441
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,639
Yeah, well, that's his problem.
All right? You're perfect.

442
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,679
Yes. You are perfect. You're
literally on the people team, OK?

443
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,239
You're doing amazing.

444
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,840
TEARFULLY: No, I'm not.

445
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:13,719
I just feel like even if I dropped
off the face of the earth tomorrow,

446
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,199
they'd just hire
another HR assistant,

447
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,519
Tom would just fuck
his plastic vagina,

448
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,040
and nothing would change.

449
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,000
Everything would change. Mm. Oh...

450
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,800
I know it seems like I'm in control
of everything, but I'm really not.

451
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,519
Oh, my God, Ab.

452
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,800
It has literally
never seemed like that.

453
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,639
Ever.
THEY LAUGH

454
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,679
Go on, have a bite. No!

455
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,239
? Most expensive part of the lamb! ?

456
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,520
THEY CACKLE

457
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,679
What a fucking loser.

458
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,279
Bizarre. Bizarre. Yeah.

459
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:04,120
Hey... that guy, Aaron, asked me out.

460
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,440
Ethan, no, he didn't. Yeah, he did.

461
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:10,520
He's going to text me.

462
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,639
He doesn't have my number.

463
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,719
SAM SNORTS

464
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,639
Don't. Shut the fuck up.
SAM LAUGHS

465
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,400
Shut the fuck up! Fuck you.

466
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:28,599
Hey, Ab? Mm? Do you think you might
want to start looking with us again?

467
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,079
Looking? Oh, my God. Yeah, wait,
you can live with us again.

468
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,720
What? We haven't broken up.

469
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,120
You can stay here for a bit, though,
if you want, Ethan.

470
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,159
PHONE PINGS

471
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,560
NARRATOR: Abi wanted things.

472
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,520
And she was going to get them.

473
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She was going to get them...

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...once she figured out
exactly what they were.

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Shall we have a threesome?

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00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:11,320
MUSIC: Sexy
by Jockstrap ft Babymorocco

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00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,440
Subtitles by Red Bee Media

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00:24:34,490 --> 00:24:39,040
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0